What makes people flakey

People bail on plans because they can, and, in addition to this freedom to do what they will, people also flake usually because no one tells them how they are affected when they bail.

A few months ago, I wrote a blog entitled Avoided Conversations that might shed some light on this problem of not directly telling people how you feel about their actions. The need for true companionship has never been more important, especially during our pandemic crisis.

All that you can control are your thoughts and behaviors. Hence, when the time comes for you to finally confront your flaky friend, it is up to them to make behavioral changes for the better. Isn't that the same thing as an eventual "no? Basically, "yes" people tend to feel pressured to say "yes" in the moment to avoid conflict or awkwardness; then they mean to figure out how to make that "yes" work later on, when they're not under quite as much stress.

Often, though, "yes" people are people pleasers who then struggle to go back on their word and instead flake out on the agreement at the last minute. Flaky people can also be perfectionists , in that if they say "yes" to something and it doesn't go according to plan, or they don't think they make it perfect, they flake at the last second to avoid making a mistake or letting someone down.

So, why not be honest with people from the beginning? Pay attention to if they forget important things, like your birthday. One of the key traits of flaky people is forgetfulness.

In addition to losing their things, they may forget dates, stories, and details. Additionally, they might forget important information you told them, like that your pet passed away or you need help moving.

Notice if they often promise more than they can deliver. You might notice that your flaky friend or coworker commits to big projects or offers to help with things but doesn't follow through. Pay attention to how well they follow through to see if a person may be flaky. Watch for unpredictable behavior. Often, this type of behavior is what makes them fun to be around! They might randomly suggest that you go on a scavenger hunt. Similarly, they might start dancing at a bar even though no one else is doing it.

As another example, a flaky friend might whip out a deck of tarot cards at a formal party. Alternatively, they might go back and forth between being vegan. Notice if they often engage in risky behaviors. Because of their impulsiveness, flaky people sometimes participate in activities that might be harmful to their overall health. At times, these behaviors might be frustrating for you, especially if you find yourself helping them out afterward.

Keep track of how often this person engages in risky behaviors, such as the following: [9] X Research source Smoking Drinking alcohol Overeating junk food Going on spending sprees Driving too fast Having unsafe sex.

Method 2. Show compassion because they might have a deeper issue. Sometimes people seem flaky because they have a condition like depression, anxiety, or ADHD. Similarly, they may have trouble staying organized or might live a very busy or chaotic life.

Try to be understanding about the deeper reasons for their behavior. Talk to the person about specific behaviors that bother you. When your flaky person does something that hurts you, tell them what they did and how it made you feel.

Then, talk about ways they might improve this behavior going forward. Then, I end up doing them for you. What changes can we make to help you remember to do them? What can we do to help you arrive on time? To help both of you get what you want, compromise by acknowledging that they are flaky when you make plans. Here are some ways to do that: [15] X Research source Create padding in your schedule so they can be late. Plan an activity that you can do while you wait for them. Let them pick places and activities.

Avoid agreeing to rides with them. Include other people in your plans so you can still go if they flake. It often indicates that they don't respect your time -- or even that they secretly feel their time is more important than yours. Ignoring constant flakiness can do a friendship more harm than good in the long run when someone's not dependable, it's hard to trust them. But before you confront a flaky friend, it's important to figure out whether he or she is an unwitting flake, or whether something darker is going on.

But when they're only sometimes late to make you wait for them, and only when the situation doesn't directly benefit them That's being manipulative and aggressive. It's not all bad news, though: Flaky friends, like good wine, often improve with time, Berglas says. Age teaches them that if they don't change their flaky ways, bad things will happen e.